The "Not So Distant" Past

I'm not too sure of what I want to say here. I just finished watching a movie that I loved (or at least I remember loving) when I was a child. Watching the movie gave me insight as to why I like my relationship to be warm and sappy. I guess I've always wanted this kind of warm and sappy love; the kind that always ends in an happily-ever-after. So I guess the rambling comes in when I think about growing up and my future.

I... I know that a part of growing up is moving on from your past and beginning to look towards your future. However, I always find myself looking to the past for moments of joy and happiness. Does that mean that I don't find joy and happiness here and now? Possibly. But if not that, then what? Why do I always look back for happiness? Or maybe it's not the past itself, but the emotions associated with those past events. Or maybe it's a little deeper than that. Maybe I've been looking for identity. The saying goes "If you don't know where you've come from, you won't know where you're going". I guess that's a lot truer than I thought. So I might be looking to the past for some glimpse into who I really am. However, God wants to take who I am now and make me into who He wants me to be. So my past isn't really all that important.

I guess a good word to describe my past searchings is closure. I want to know anything about my past that will give me peace in my present. Without closure in a relationship, a part of you always holds on, especially if you were the one who was hurt the most. Similarly, I want some closure with my past so I can finally let go. I really want to move on with my life; to start looking at bigger and better things (whatever that means). I guess my "not so distant" past keeps me from moving on. "When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things." I'm not ready to put away my childish things. They are my oasis when I feel lonely. They are company in the midst of a crowd. They are my lullaby, my pastime, and my friend.

When will I grow up? And when will I let go of my past? Idk